Hey! Who hasn’t had a cat across their back, and is it really so bad?
Well, uh, that’s the problem. There’s cats and there’s cats and then there’s my conflict over Fifty Shades of Grey. As a frenemy of the franchise, I can attest to both admiring and coveting the author’s zeal. Her enthusiasm for her characters and the situations they find themselves in are patently obvious: she’s having a ball and she’s making plenty of dough. Make no mistake, I covet her dough too, I just can’t get my head around the notion that it’s okay to get the hide strapped off of you so long as the guy with the belt is a rich dork with a helicopter.
Am I being unfair again?
SPOILER:
Ana comes round to Christian’s way of the world because he had a tough go growing up in Detroit. Plus he marries her and they raise kids in stunning opulence, kinda like the French Kings of old.
I’m still unconvinced.
Maybe if the cast in the new movie had been older. You know, like Clive Owen and Charlize Theron–people with a few miles on them. In my vision, Charlize could have cred: a professor, a jaded financial planner, a competing captain of industry. Old Clive, of course has to die and by her hand. In the final act, Charlize blithely dumps his body along with the cat o’ nine, waterboards, and electric chair he favored, but that she resented. Oh, yes, and she takes over his empire through a hostile mergers and acquisitions maneuver.
Now that’s something I could go for. Sadly, my vision was not to be, and the new flick will doubtless make MILLIONS so who cares, really?
As the release date approaches for Fifty Shades Part 1 (everything comes in three’s in Hollywood) I’m leaning towards the broad consensus arrived at Book Club: we can’t put money towards this thing when the economy is headed for the toilet…again. Best to wait until it arrives on the box, and then we can all get liquored up together in front of the flatscreen and insert our own dialogue.
Until then, I can only offer an intuitive critique of the upcoming film based on scuttlebutt, third party reports out of LA, and a really weird dream I had last night.
Presenting: The Unreview
Last week, I engaged in some trollish good fun with a fellow cinophile over the sturm und drang that occured on the set of Fifty Shades between director and writer. My Schadenfreude simply kicked in because the EL James juggernaut had stalled, if only for a brief time. The movie’s gonna make buckets no matter what, but at least for “one brief shining moment” there was trouble.
As a fan of enthusiastic authors everywhere, I place EL high on my admiration list. Lucky for her that the fantasy fest that is Fifty Shades The Movie is neither harmed nor hastened by the blow ups on set. For as much as the willful and spectacularly accepting race breathlessly to buy clothes and accessories made from the “softest leather,” others pinch nostrils shut because of the undeniable Euw factor that comes with the story.
As Canadian radio personality Jian Ghomeshi found out, rough sex outta the box leaves a stink that clears a room.
Fifty Shades is pretty. I know this because I’ve seen the trailers. Beautifully staged, wonderfully lit, it offers gorgeous scene set ups and fantastic costume design. Kinda like the Royal Wedding back in ’81.
However, as naive young Ana moans and groans under the ministrations of her wealthy and too young to be believable patron, the viewer soon experiences bilious side effects–a creeping feeling of extreme perviness–that accompanies visuals of a young woman stripped down and dehumanized for the greater good that is the heightened sexual awareness of her “I don’t do romance” helicopter loving, elevator riding partner, whose childhood of abuse and neglect back in Detroit makes this all okay.
Like the sets they play in, the youthful stars are super pretty too.
…And so was Rome under Caligula. (See Bob Guccione’s Caligula…or maybe don’t)
As my libertine friend suggests, life outside the box (or in this case, inside The Red Room of Pain) suggests either a sophistication derived from long-in-the-tooth experience and philosophical acuity (See A Dangerous Method) or deviance hastened by depravity and increasing violence resulting in death. (See Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka)
If Fifty Shades was honest, one of the characters would die at the end. But it’s not and they don’t.
Ana and Christian get a place and raise a family (Book III, suffer the trilogy), something serial killers Bernardo and Homolka hoped to do until they turned on each other. Prior to arrest, they hoped to abuse their future children and keep them in cages.
Does EL James have pretty little red rooms in store for Book IV?
Let’s hope she doesn’t go there.
Rating: 0
Author’s note:
I know, I know. I haven’t seen it, which makes this review extremely unethical. That’s why I’ll be back, but only after a free screening.
At press time:
Word out of H-wood is that the film is pretty mild; hence: no NC17 rating. The movie is very pretty and dialogue is very hokey. So what’s being shopped here? It doesn’t sound like S&M Bondage. Perhaps the joke’s on us?
Tomorrow: Fifty Shades of Creative Writing
Funkhauser, fragged out from an all-nighter of proof reading, jumps into a free for all on Facebook where she good naturedly offers up a little fan fiction.
February 16, 2015
Seems I got bogged down in proofing, and for that I am remiss. In not getting my fan fiction up when I promised, my emotions skewed much in the same way as when I heard that 25+ Dakota Johnson actually gave a compelling performance in the film. I’ve seen the stills–she looks dewy and real sad in character, and who wouldn’t be? Top performing billionaires like Fifty are doomed to disappoint given their alpha nature and tiresome veni vidi vici ethos. Professional reviews of the film so far suggest that Fifty is a firm “1” in terms of stars as opposed to “top rated”. Depending on their demographic, reviewers are either shocked at the domestic abuse portrayed, disappointed that it’s not dirty enough, or satisfied that its better than the book(s). The lead actor model is “wooden” they say, and that’s unfair, because the story really is about the woman, so beyond all the grunting and brooding, Christian Grey really is nothing more than a colossal woody and, that said, is entirely authentic.
Authors note:
I know. I know. I haven’t seen the film, so this review and all the content that accompanies it is still highly unethical.
The Fan Fiction
So here’s the thing: Much as I’d like to piggy back my besty tunes and the musicians that inspired me on my DEBUT NOVEL page, I won’t because of the “fair use” santa clause thingy that hinders me. Happily, there’s no such obstacle where the phenomenon ‘fan fiction’ is concerned. So with that, I’ll offer up my own Fifty Shades scenes. There are only three and they’re nice and short. I think EL would approve and maybe Dakota Johnson too, although I hope the kiddo doesn’t do the sequels. A one star rate does not a one star make.
Disclaimer
I know how to write good, so any weird phrasings in the fan fic is merely stylistic. Happy Family Day, Ontario. Happy Presidents’ Day, America. Happy Monday to everyone else this side of the International Date Line.
ABF
The Fan Fiction (Reproduced from a Facebook Free Fer All)
1.
Filling me with dirty socks and a coupla of golf balls, Fifty asserts his power with a rakish yawp.‘Cry havoc and let them dogs slip to war’ I howl at once remembering that I failed English. ‘I love your mind’ Fifty teases, his cruel taunts more hurtful than the cat I got him at Christmas.”.
2.
“Hot tears soak my downy supple cheeks. Fifty’s brought out the turkey baster again. My pert, anxious nipples flatten and he sees. ‘You have not eaten your dinner Mrs. Grey,’ he admonishes, loosening the chinos he picked up for real cheap at the Saks mid winter sale. I know what he means, and I am crestfallen because we’re married and it’s a bore. He advances to me, his essential being pulsing in his big strong ginger dappled baby bottomed hands. ‘Aw hell’ I mutter. ‘Gotta eat my meat and veg all over again.'”.
3.
“Fifty teases me with his helicopter blades promising to Julienne fry me. Trussed up in my panties and a turkey halter, I can only give thanks for my incredible luck. Rich assholes are so hard to come by and this one, if I’m real, real good, is for life. ‘Pass me the colander darling. I want to wear it on my head’ Fifty laughs. My hands aren’t free so how can I position a chapeau? “I’ll free you goose,” Fifty promises, as soon as I take my blue pill.” A young man, he’s taken a beating so I forgive him a Pfizer. I wait patiently, marking time with a reminder to write the drug company a thank you for making my led zeppelin a reality. “Baby, baby, hit me again” I squeal, longing for his sordid touch. Sacred and profane, there aint nothining like a good old fashion stroppin before the break of day.”
My friend and fellow Solstice author Rocky Rochford reminds me of my dear Doctor Who. Curious, excited and always WORKING. His latest, The Devil You Know, now available on Amazon, details one curious con’s face to face with the devil incarnate and the consequences this provokes.
Ladies and Gents: Rocky Rochford.
Greetings to one and all, my name is Rocky Rochford, writer, poet, scuba diver and sword collector, among other things. As I have been so kindly given the space to talk about myself and my works, let’s get to it.
About me:
Scuba Diving, Photo taking, Adventure Seeking, Sword Collecting, Writer & Marine Conservationist. That’s me. I’m a handful of years into my twenties, but after living life on the road, going town to town before finally settling down, I’ve gained great insight into the world and her workings. From Day 1 I have been a Writer and a Writer I shall forever remain.
I like to consider myself to be a Student of Everything, and yet a Master of Nothing, who does not
The prolific author at home, sword in hand.
choose what he writes, but writes what chooses him, be it fantasy, crime, poetry, philosophy or even adventure. After all life is a journey we all get to experience, just like a good book.
Every read of one of my typed works, is another trip into the imagination of my mixed up, crazed and deranged mind. Welcome to the World of Rochford.
And just one of those works happens to be my newly released “The Devil You Know,” an 8 Chapter long ebook to introduce you to a conman who gets an offer he can’t refuse, one that would see him return in the full length novel “The Devil You Don’t.”
The Blurb reads a little like this:
Meet a conman who always carefully chooses his marks. Then one day he discovers that he’s been someone else’s mark, and not just for a little while, but his whole life. Think you know the Devil? You don’t know Jack.
And if that’s got your taste-buds waging, allow me to hit you with an excerpt:
I’ll never forget the day my life changed, never to be the same again, the day I met him. I knew it was him the second he walked into the bar. I didn’t need to see those yellow eyes of his, or to notice the curve of his mouth as he smiled gladly upon the mere sight of me. Out of all the bars in the world and the Devil walked into mine.
“Shit” was the word that came to mind.
The Devil You Know released on Amazon and www.solsticepublishing.com on the 30th of January and is available on every version of Amazon, so what are you waiting for and pick up your very on copy of a devilishly good tale.
And of course links to my works (listed from oldest to latest). Quick little thing I should mention, I am an author of many genres, I’ve recently released a Poetry Collection. I have written a number of short stories, both stand-alone pieces and part of a continuing series. As far as genres go, I write Fantasy, Adventure, Thriller, Psychological Thrillers, Espionage, YA & Supernatural:
Phoenix Rises – a Deep Water novel: (Full length novel)
Last night I had a choice. I could suffer the Grammy’s or check out AMCs Better Call Saul, which I’ve been looking forward to madly because I binged Breaking Bad twice in eighteen months. But I couldn’t make the choice. Choosing between the Grammy’s and Saul is like putting winter against summer, poutine against guacamole, wardrobe malfunctions against the genesis of a criminally criminal lawyer. Appealing, and yet so incredibly different, going with one over the other would leave a vacancy, the kind of which would leave the decider (thank you, Mr. President) unsatisfied and longing for things missed. So I took a different course.
Doctor Who, the long running, time travelling lord of the cosmos, has undergone twelve regenerations over fifty years and hundreds of episodes, and, man, does he ever look great. Whether sporting a bow tie or Converse high tops in white or plasma red, the Doctor rocks joyously in the face of disaster, never losing his youthful curiosity. After 900+ years, the Doctor makes immortality way more appealing than any sulky vampire I’ve ever seen at the Grammy’s or anywhere else.
I don’t know about the Grammy and Saul viewers, but watching the Doctor left this fan immensely satisfied. Time didn’t stop, it fell away. And with a new spring in these old bones and a renewed purpose to GET MY PROOF READING DONE I give thanks, even if I did miss Gwen Stefani’s FABULOUS Atelier Versace jumpsuit and Yeezy’s renewed decorum (one reporter confessed to liking him again). As for Saul, he’s on again tonight at 10 p.m. EST. I’m told the first show rocked for people who know the character. Others who don’t may have some work to do.
The lovely, talented and highly comedic Isla Fisher is the author’s dream casting choice for quirky Leslie.
Fans just joining us on Rachael’s Blog Tour for The Curse of the Purple Delhi Sapphire can look forward to more reveals at her next stop tomorrow, February 5th. For today, we have “Leslie”, Rachael’s favorite character to write from the series.
Leslie was tough to cast because she is modeled after my girlfriend so I already have a specific image of her, but Isla Fisher was a close second. She is petite and curvy and just enough of a quirky free spirit to bring the spontaneous best friend of Sophia to life. — Rachael Stapleton
With B actor Dakota Johnson going for the brass ring in the much anticipated Fifty Shades of I Don’t Know What That Is, I shouldn’t be surprised by the seemingly unrelated announcement that Finland is scrapping cursive writing from school curriculum. Who needs to write when a keyboard can do all the dirty work for you? Getting strapped across the back by a wealthy sociopath is no different: simply simper out a polite “yes, please” and all the hard work that accompanies goal fulfillment is whisked away, immediate satisfaction guaranteed.
I appreciate the Finnish case. With infants manning keyboards while on the crawl, it only makes sense that they perfect their typing skills and leave the quill and ink to history. Go one better. Why not extend it to reading? Who needs phonics if a machine could do the talking? Simply download the latest releases and hit “speak” and the hard work is done.
Am I being flip? You better believe I am. In this, The Age of Ease, one need not bother with things that can be done by others, carbon based or not. Give consent with a Dakota Johnson “yes, please” and a machine could do the strapping for you. (Christian Grey—take an elevator by yourself, please!) Or move to Ontario, Canada where the price of auto insurance outstrips the desire to get behind the wheel and let your mother do the driving for you! Or pretend you’re still 12 in the City of Toronto and you can ride the public transit for FREE. You need never walk again.
Sounds good?
I don’t think so.
I like to do things the hard way, even if it means writing it out in long hand.
Unapologetically adult and cognizant, I wish you Good Wednesday. Stay above it.
I feel like I’ve travelled this path before, and no wonder: Rachael Stapleton and I not only belong to the same writer’s group–the inestimable Brooklin 7–but we also share the same publisher, Summer Solstice out of Farmington, Missouri.
It’s been great getting to know her over the years as her characters developed and grew. What’s really exciting is seeing them emerge both in electronic and print formats. And there’s also the real benefit of knowing what’s going to happen next in Vol. III! For the moment, let’s focus on Rachael and Vol. II.
Rachel Stapleton spent her youth cultivating a vivid imagination inside the book lined walls of an old Victorian library where she consumed everything from mystery to biography. Creating magical worlds that included hidden elevators, secret spiral staircases and truly heinous villians, it was only a matter of time before her talents took flight. At sixteen, she penned a column for the local newspaper and in 2006, wrote her first book featuring an adventurous librarian. Today, Rachael lives in a Second Empire Victorian home with her husband and two children in Ontario, Canada, where she enjoys writing in the comforts of aged wood and arched dormers.
Oh, Rachael…
Hello. You’re making yourself at home.
There’s a lot of snow out there.
Tell me about it. Oh! Wait a minute! You did, when I told you I was moving to the country. (laughs)
I was jealous. I love your house.
Thank you! We searched for it for over a year. It’s just the right mix of family home and author inspiration. I’ve been making some good headway.
So we can expect more adventures from Sophia Marcil?
You know it already. You’ll be hearing more about that when the B7 meets. Bwahaha.
You know I love Sophia, but who is your favourite character to write?
I do love Sophia, but Leslie is the most fun to write. I always think of that saying. “Though she be but little, she is fierce!”― William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Leslie is spunky and funny and just a helluva fun character to write but she is also intelligent, loyal and she would do anything to protect Sophia. I’ve been working on a dream cast today. I’ll give you a sneak peak. (See attached) Editor’s Note: It’s with red face that I confess to not attaching the attachment….I will get on this in a new post. Mea culpa, Rachael.
And she doesn’t get into the big trouble Sophia always does. She’s the sensible one.
Sort of, yes. But Leslie wanders out of bounds too. She’s quirky and wild, I think she just hasn’t been tested the same way Sophia has. You’ll get to know her even better in the next two books. (grins)
You’re always writing. What is your favourite part of the process?
Revisions.
Eh? Seriously???
No doubt about it—taking the rough draft full of budding possibility…shaping it into a fully realized story. Add depth, mix with flair, and situations that crackle with energy…
And ‘poof’ like one of (character) Rochus’ spells?
Exactly! Get the crackle, so much so that it feels real. Plus it’s in those moments that I get to spend time with amazing people like you, reviewing and editing. I can’t count the number of times that discussing a chapter with our writers’ group has shook an amazing scene loose.
I feel the same way. And thank you for the mention. Now for some quirky questions.
Uh oh…
What punctuation mark best describes your personality and why?
The Question Mark! I have a lot of questions—most likely because I’m always researching for my novels. People have told me that as a child I was inquisitive and curious. Oh. and some may have called me ‘nosy’ but I think I just really enjoy learning. Google is my best-friend. Whoo! That’s two questions answered in one. Boom! I’m on a roll.
In the past, you’ve mentioned your childhood often and fondly. What do you miss most about it?
Everything! I had an awesome childhood! Playing British Bulldog, which is a game of tag, at the public swimming pool, followed by Saturday night parties with my cousins. Consuming mass amounts of junk food along with movies like E.T., Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Dirty Dancing. I know we were wild, right? Playing Super Mario Bros. with my sister was also pretty fun and who could forget the way summer just stretched on and on.
If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
How invisible am I? Can I touch things? I mean, if I were to rob a bank? (Shakes her head) The morally correct side suggests doing nice things for unsuspecting people. With that being said, I would most likely succumb to the obvious malevolent tricks: stalking powerful people for blackmailing purposes, tripping bullies, and last but not least, I would follow my husband around to see what he really does all day! Muhahaha! Pure evil, I know.
Most hated chore on the household chore list?
Laundry. That’s why I need a separate dressing room to house all of my clothes.
Have you written any other books that we should read next?
I just finished a short story that will be published in the Solstice Valentine’s Day Anthology. It’s called DINNER IN THE DARK and it’s a delicious prequel to how Sophia and Cullen really met with a recipe for Dill Pickle Soup. You can also find THE TEMPLE OF INDRA’S JEWEL on Amazon. It’s the first book in the Temple of Indra series. I have three other projects in the works.
You’ve spent some time with me over the last few weeks discussing blog tours and how important they are to you. Where do you stop next?
The Blissful Blog of Susanne Matthews. www.mhsusannematthews.wordpress.com. Please feel free to stop by and you can see all of my other Blog Tour Stops on the media page of my website www.rachaelstapleton.com. There will be a rafflecopter contest running from February 9th to 23rd for prizes. Hit the tour stops along the way to win.
Thanks, Rachael. You got anything in the fridge?
Of course! Nothing exciting though, I’m back on fitness show prep: egg whites, sweet potatoes, chicken and cabbage. I think I may have a jar of Nutella in the freezer…Mmm Nutella.
As a librarian, Sophia Marcil loved reading, especially books about ancient curses and reincarnation, but she never imagined the legend of the Purple Delhi Sapphire was true until she inherited it and was transported back to a past life where she was murdered. Now she knows that not only is reincarnation real, but so is the devil’s magic locked inside the precious gem. Just as she’s about to tell her boyfriend Cullen about it, he proposes with an engagement ring made from a piece of the very sapphire that’s cursed her. Reeling from the shock and surrounded by his family, she allows him to place it on her ring finger. As soon as it touches her skin, she feels herself being wrenched back in time.
Before she knows it, she’s wandering the hallway of an old Victorian house in the body of her great aunt. Unfortunately, her nemesis has also reincarnated in 1920—as one of her family members. Sophia struggles to locate the Purple Delhi Sapphire in time to prevent the deaths of those she loves, but she fails and returns to her present-day life, to the precise moment she left, with a deep understanding that her killer’s soul is also tied to the sapphire and every life she has, he is resurrected as someone close to her.
Her stalker ex-boyfriend Nick seems like a prime candidate this time but she’s convinced she’s a step ahead of him, thanks to a tip from a medium, she knows that if she uses the magic of the stone correctly she can trap Nick’s soul in the sapphire and save herself. But when Nick is murdered, she finds evidence that has her questioning everything she thought she knew.
Is Cullen husband material or is history doomed to repeat itself?
Today, I welcome international best-selling author Bernard Foong to the blog. Not only has Mr. Foong penned three sweeping non-fiction accounts of a wild life in progress, but I’ve also learned that a screen play is not far behind! Congratulations. His third book, A Harem Boy’s Saga III: Debauchery, has just been reviewed by yours truly (click here), and on the strength of it, I will check out books I and II. See synopsis and cover art featured below. Before jumping into the interview, take a moment and learn more about the man behind the words.
Author’s Bio
Young alias Bernard Foong is, first and foremost, a sensitivist. He finds nuance in everything. To experience the world he inhabits is an adventure which is mystical, childlike and refreshing. He has a rare ability to create beauty in a unique fashion. His palettes have been material, paint, words and human experiences.
By Christine Maynard (screenwriter and novelist).
Bernard Foong (designer) – A brief history
Born in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. At the age of 8, he was assisting his aunt and cousin, learning the art of sewing and fabrics/colors matching. He attended an exclusive private boarding school in the United Kingdom before obtaining his Diploma in Fashion Design at the Harrow College of Art & Technology in London, England. He went on to complete his Master of Design at the Royal College of Art & Design, London, England. During his college years he won several international fashion awards and was already retailing bridal and evening dresses to several well known department stores in England. Liberty of London, Selfridges, Harrods and Harvey Nichols to name a few that carried his designs. His Royal College of Art graduation wedding/evening wear collection was sold to Liberty of London and displayed in their store windows for the entire month of June that year.
For four years, he worked for Liberty’s bridal department as their in-house designer until a trip to Hong Kong, while working on a freelance project for ‘Bird’s’(casual wear) company, he was recruited by the Hong Kong Polytechnic University as their Fashion professor for the next 6 years. During his stay in Hong Kong, he freelanced for numerous fashion companies. From designing casual wear, swimwear, lingerie, and fur garments, men’s wear, bridal and evening fashions to accessories (bags, shoes, and head-wear). He also participated and organized numerous fashion shows, events, functions, and presentations in the Asia Pacific region.
Working for Keys Far East Hong Kong as chief lingerie designer – travelling extensively to the United States, he was soon recruited as an Associate Fashion Design/Illustration Professor to the University of Wisconsin, Madison and also lectured at the Minneapolis College of Art & Design for a couple of years.
Foong was then appointed as the Fashion Development Manager by an established department store – Parkson Grand (22 stores in Malaysia and one in Shanghai, China). Producing under the label, Natural Life by Bernard Foong, he designed casual-wear collections for the Parkson Grand’s flagship store in Kuala Lumpur. After a couple of years later, he was invited by the Temasek Polytechnic, Singapore to join their design school to establish a Fashion Design department. For two years, he assisted several founding members of the design school – working on the fashion department’s teaching curriculum.
The Fitzgerald Theatre Department, University of Hawaii, Manoa, Oahu, Hawaii awarded a full scholarship for Foong to complete his second Master of Art in Theatre Costuming. Now a resident on the Island of Maui, he has assisted many charity organizations in their fund raising events with his extravagant fashion and performance shows/presentations. In 2005, he and his partner, Mr. Walter Jay Bissett opened Fire Dragon Bistro Orient & Design Shop. He also designs costumes/fashions for numerous theatrical productions in Hawaii and abroad.
Appointed as chief lingerie designer for Cerie International Limited – Hong Kong, his lingerie designs can be found in major department stores in Canada and the United Kingdom.
He showcased the BERNARD FOONG R-T-W collections and BERNARD FOONG @ Modern Classic Ltd.(an established – Hong Kong bridal & evening wear company) collections in Hong Kong. His 2008 & 2009 bridal/evening/bridal lingerie fashion show, “Grace” & “Coming Up Roses” were premiered at Hong Kong Fashion Week in July 2007 and January 2008 respectively at the Hong Kong Convention & Exhibition Center, garnering positive interest in many Asian press reviews, including a China nationwide television broadcast of his latest collection. Aika (International Opera Singer) wore several Bernard Foong special occasion dresses at her Japan & European tour in September & October 2009.
Foong was the chief Creative Director for Official (Special Occasion fashion manufacturing company) Guangzhou, China producing – BERNARD FOONG Couture (specialty one-of-a-kind creations), White (RTW – Wedding/Special Occasion wear), Foxy Cute (Smart Casual/Cocktail wear), SexZ (decorative bustier) & Diva Bitch (sexual lingerie inner/outer-wear) collections.
Besides working on his regular haute couture, R-T-W and lingerie collections he is a visiting consultant/advisor for:
Pivot Point fashion college, Chengdu, China.
Hong Kong Design Institute (fashion department), Hong Kong, SAR.
Hong Kong Poly/U, Hong Kong (School of Apparel Design & Merchandising), SAR.
Hong Kong Fashion Designers Association, Hong Kong.
Singapore Temasek Polytechnic – School of Apparel Design & Merchandising (ADM), Singapore.
Bernard is also writing his autobiography, a seven book series of Mr. Foong’s young life:
A Harem Boy’s Saga: A Memoir by Young.
This provocative story spanning 4 decades and 3 continents is about a boy who was sent to a very exclusive English boarding school in the 1960s where he was initiated into a clandestine sexual society and then spirited away to serve in wealthy and elite Middle Eastern harems .”
A Harem Boy’s Saga series is published by Solstice Publishing and is available in print and E-books internationally.
In his own words: The Interview
Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
I was born into a privileged Malaysian Chinese family. Following my brothers’ footsteps, I was sent to an exclusive boarding school in England. It is there that I was inducted into a clandestine organization, E.R.O.S. The Enlightened Royal Oracle Society. For four years, unbeknownst to my family, I was willingly and happily part of a Harem.
What do you do when you are not writing?
My hobbies include Zumba, swimming, reading and doing creative projects. Although I’m a semi-retired fashion designer, I still keep in touch with the international fashion scene; especially Asian designers.
Do you have a day job as well?
My day job is writing and promoting/marketing my memoirs/books.
When did you first start writing and when did you finish your first book?
I first started writing in 2010. I had a nagging calling within to document my unique adolescent life and education.
I believe my geographical location (being in spiritual and beautiful Maui, Hawaii) inspired me to pen my seven book series.
Now that I’m semi-retired from my once very active fashion lifestyle, it is time for me to reflect upon my unique early experiences and to inform the world what my positive experiences in the Middle Eastern harems were like.
I believe my early experiences shaped my adult life to who I am today.
I finished A Harem Boy’s Saga – book I – Initiation; a memoir by Young a year later – in 2011.
How did you choose the genre you write in?
I did not choose the genre. It chose me.
Where do you get your ideas?
Remembrance of things past. Luckily I’ve an abundance of photographs, diaries, journals to spur me to remember what transpired during those early years of my Middle Eastern harem experiences.
Although, I’ve taken creative liberties when it comes to the individual dialogues spoken by the various characters in my autobiography. I remember the gist of what transpired.
I’ve also changed the names and places to protect the identities of those involved in the secret society and the unique school and Arab Households I was in service at.
Do you ever experience writer’s block?
I seldom get writer’s block because I let my thoughts flow naturally out of me as I remember the events. Although I cannot remember the actual dialogues spoken – I remember the gist of what was being said.
I also have an abundance of old photographs taken during those early years, documenting my life then. I use these to trigger my memories to document the events in the books.
I do need complete silence when I write – which is 8 – 10 hours daily.
Do you work with an outline, or just write?
I just write. I’m very discipline when it comes to setting time for my daily writing schedule.
Is there any particular author or book that influenced you in any way either growing up or as an adult?
The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy by Anne Rice was one of the influences because I have a presage that Ms. Rice went through a similar harem experience like I did.
Anderson Cooper 360 documentary on the devastating treatment of effeminate boys also influenced me to tell my story.
The abundance of school bullying and shootings also prompted me to tell of my unique education.
Can you tell us about your challenges in getting your first book published?
The first two books in A Harem Boy’s Saga series were self-published. The easy part is the writing but when it comes to marketing books, it’s an entirely different ball game.
I was lucky to have literary agent Emerantia Antonia Parnall-Gilbert (Gilbert Literary Agency) after almost 6 months of non-stop searching for a publisher and agent. I wrote to close to 160 publishers/agents before I had a positive response from Gilbert Literary Agency.
I’m lucky to have Solstice Publishing interested in my autobiography. Solstice will publish the entire 7 book series. It was Emerantia who hooked me with Solstice Publishing.
If you had to go back and do it all over, is there any aspect of your novel or getting it published that you would change?
I would have found myself a publisher and literary agent and not self-published.
How do you market your work? What avenues have you found to work best for your genre?
Through the usual channels: Twitter, Facebook, Authors/Books promotional organizations. Enter book award competitions and joining international book fairs. Connecting with book clubs, etc.
Have you written a book you love that you have not been able to get published?
No! The books/series I’m currently writing is what I love doing and it’s an inner calling form a higher power to tell my story to the world.
Can you tell us about your upcoming book?
I have two:
No Distance Between Us is a coming-of-age gay true love story (based on my sexual experience). It is a provocative story about a young man (me) initiated into a clandestine sexual society. Spirited to the Middle East, from his UK boarding school,he attended the Bahriji School (Oasis,) in The United Arab Emirates in preparation for serving in Harems for the wealthy and elite.
It is also a love story between the youngman (me) and his ‘Valet’ who served as his chaperone and mentor during the boy’s Harem service.
A Harem Boy’s Saga – IV – Turpitude; a memoir by Young is the continual saga of A Harem Boy’s Saga – I – Initiation, II – Unbridled and III – Debauchery.
Is anything in your book based on real life experiences or purely all imagination?
My memoirs are based on my own experiences. Although, I’ve taken creative liberties when it comes to the individual dialogues spoken by the various characters in my autobiography. I remember the gist of what transpired.
I’ve also changed the names and places to protect the identities of those involve in the secret society and the unique school and Arab Households I was in service at.
What was your favorite chapter (or part) to write and why?
The erotic scenes because I remember the situations very clearly and am able to express my emotions and feelings I felt at the time with all my sexual partners and lovers.
How did you come up with the title?
It comes to me through a higher source, knowing what the title for each book is going to be either before, during or after the book is completed. It’s my guardian angel whispering in my ear on what to write down to the names for each chapter. I listen to my inner voice and heed its messages.
What project are you working on now?
I’m currently working on A Harem Boy’s Saga – IV – Turpitude; a memoir by Young.
My Yuletide short story book No Distance Between Us (a true to life coming-of-age gay love story) is scheduled for release on Nov. 21st 2014.
I’m also working with Solstice Publishing on having A Harem Boy’s Saga series made into audio books.
I’m also working on book II – Unbridled screen treatment and overview for Emerantia, my agent to submit to producers for consideration for films/TV mini-series and Stage Musical productions.
What has been the toughest criticism given to you as an author?
I don’t dwell on negatively only positivity. Therefore the best compliment would be:
5.0 out of 5 stars OMG, OMG, OMG – I can’t believe this is a real story!, September 22, 2014
This review is from: Initiation (A Harem Boy’s Saga Book 1) (Kindle Edition)
Never have I read a story that has me exclaiming “OMG, OMG, OMG” every few chapters. This autobiographical story shares the intensely personal journey of a young boy as he comes of age in the midst of a male harem in the Middle East. He experiences all the things that are forbidden and taboo…you know those “unmentionable elephants in the room” that we are warned about from an early age. I had to readthis real life adventure to find out how messed up and damaged he must be. Imagine my surprise to meet an emotionally healthy young man who successfully grabs all life has to offer and does it with an innocence that is simply beautiful.
Don’t read this book if you aren’t ready for your ingrained beliefs and values to be challenged. Don’t read this book if you are not ready to delve into a side of our global society that is well hidden from most. Don’t read this book unless you too are ready to step into a new adventure. Initiation will change how you view the world.
Well done Bernard.
Wendy had summed up my series excellently and this is exactly what I like to say to my readers.
Do you have any advice to give to aspiring writers?
Stay focused. My modus operandi: the 3Ps: Perseverance, Persistence & Patience.
Be diligent about setting a time frame/goal to finish your manuscript.
Not to worry about what you are planning to write. Once you begin with the 1st word, you’ll know what the next word is going to be. When I write, it’s like channeling a separate spirit/entity within my person. Thoughts flows automatically through me and I write what comes naturally out of my hand.
Is there anything that you would like to say to your readers and fans.
Historical accuracy is an important factor to consider when I’m writing memoirs/autobiographies and biographies. I like spending time doing research and learning/discovering new techniques in photo-shop/enhancements.
Traveling broadens my mind. My life partner and I are planning an up-coming road trip to the S. of France.
These are some of the goals I hope to achieve through
A Harem Boy’s Saga:
Provide Tolerance to Sissy Boys by understanding parents/peers and the community.
Anderson Cooper 360 documentary on the devastating treatment of effeminate boys influence me to tell my story.
Bullying can be avoided through Big Brother/Big Sister volunteer programs in school or outside school system. Older students acting as mentors to younger students.
Support/mentorship program to all parties involved to foster understanding and acceptance of Gay kids.
Provide an Alternative Educational System;
Understanding Big Brother/adolescent mentorship programs in schools, BB as protector to keep younger kids from being bullied.
Human Relationship Building Program;
Between parents/teachers and young students on sexual topics/issues, especially when adolescent are just discovering their sexuality. They can be guided on a healthy and honest sexual journey instead of “don’t ask, don’t tell” hide it behind the closet policy.
Other Works
A Harem Boy Saga; A Memoir Book 1 – INITIATION
This provocative story is about a young man who was initiated into a clandestine sexual society. He was spirited to the Middle East, from his UK boarding school. He attended the Bahriji School (Oasis,) in The United Arab Emirates in preparation for serving in Harems for the wealthy and elite.
It is also a love story between the young man and his ‘Valet’ who served as his chaperone and mentor during the boy’s Harem service.
Author’s note:
I had a privileged and unique upbringing in Malaysia, where I was known as a “sissy boy.” Following in my brothers’ footsteps, I was sent to an exclusive boarding school in England. It is there that I was inducted into a clandestine organization, E.R.O.S. The Enlightened Royal Oracle Society. For four years, unbeknownst to my family, I was willingly and happily part of a Harem.
My story has been kept under wraps for close to 45 years. The correct moment has arrived for me to make known my unique education.
A provocative story about a young man who was initiated into a clandestine sexual society. He was spirited to the Middle East, from his UK boarding school. He attended the Bahriji School (Oasis,) in The United Arab Emirates in preparation for serving in Harems for the wealthy and elite.
It is also a love story between the young man, his ‘Big Brother’ and his ‘Valet’ who served as his chaperones and mentors during the boy’s Harem services.
This book follows the teenagers’ erotic and exotic adventures and experiences at their 2nd Arab Household Harem, the Sekham. They were apprentices and models, for the household patriarch’s controversial photography project, “Sacred Sex in Sacred Places”.
The author’s experiences present facts that are truthful. Through these truths, which are often demonized by contemporary societies that deem such behaviors inappropriate, the author hopes to dispel condemnations and negativity which relate to his experiences.
There are 5 – 7 volumes in A Harem Boy’s Saga series.
Debauchery is the triquel to A Harem Boy’s Saga
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Lao Tzu
A provocative story about a young man who was initiated into a clandestine sexual society through his UK boarding school. From there, he was spirited to the Middle East to attend the Bahriji (Oasis) School in The United Arab Emirates in preparation for Harem services for the wealthy elite.
It is also a love story between the young man, his ‘Big Brother,’ and his ‘Valet,’ who served as his chaperones and mentors.
This book follows the teenagers’ erotic and exotic adventures and experiences at their third Arabian Household Harem, the Quwah. There, they became confidants to a prince, assistants in an international dance club venture, “Carousel,” and apprentices and models in a controversial photography project, “Sacred Sex in Sacred Places.”
This story is an account of the author’s experiences. Through these truths, often demonized by contemporary societies that deem such behaviors inappropriate, the author hopes to dispel condemnation and negativity related to sexuality, love, and personal freedom.
I can’t believe I behaved this way, but then again, I’m in the back half of my life so I claim certain rights. Three days ago, my kitty did not come home, and I freaked. Let’s be clear: he’s not my kitty, he’s a prodigal–a traveller some call “visitor”. In short, he belongs to the nice people six doors down who undoubtedly suffer as much as I do when the beastie goes on a walkabout. What can we do? He’s a puddy cat and he has to do what puddies do…I guess. I’m sure my intense grief (or kitty withdrawal) has something to do with my kiddoes growing up (and what a fine job they’re making of that, I’m lucky) or my slow and, at times, resistant journey into monsterpause aka “the dark side”. Whatever the underpinnings, my anxiety was equal parts evocative and supercilious. Point is, the cat came back, and man am I ever glad. For all things lost and regained, I guess the thing to do is rejoice. Long live the cat, and may the gods bless the little buggar too.
I love today’s prompt *FACE* served up for this week’s #1lineWed because it evokes every degree of beauty and ugliness and not just in animal matter. Buildings have faces too, as do ideas. Here’s a couple of outtakes–the larger tweets if you will–connoting FACE.
#1
“Back in 1994, when Heuer was in his thirties and should have known better, he disappointed a woman, who, in turn, threw him out of her apartment. “Thanks fer nothing,” she yelled, with a bitchiness that confirmed her place in society, along with a trucker belch to match. He had only himself to blame. He’d been slumming in a drecky bar not consciously looking, but hoping for something willing to come his way. It was late and it didn’t take long for her to find him.
“You lonely?” “Her teeth were gapped and grey. “I’m lonely.”
It was a troll culled from a nightmare, and it was well-suited to his surroundings—cramped, pungent and marked by scents of perspiration and fish. Drunk and smoking, she pressed her big ass cheek into his side. Smells made acute by an ancient fryer in the back advanced across the room. Beer batter wafting with the aid of large ceiling fans co mingled with human notes of urine and beer to complete the parfum excellence. She blew on him, her breath rank, her brazenness an homage to that old cliché that you get what you deserve.
He smiled. His skin was better than hers.
“There is a cure for that,” he said. “Loneliness.” His accent, strange and unfamiliar, rolled across her and having the desired effect she got to the point.
“There’s wine and a fuck back at my place.”
He leaned back inviting her to apply her hands, which she did with easy self-assured strokes. The heat crept across his abdomen tightening the hairs in their follicles, twisting. She was good; real good: the kind of good that many years of applied field work made possible.
“Well?” Her tone was commanding.
She was not tall and she was not pretty. But she had the je ne sais quoi that demanded a second look. Her grip on him tightened. Heuer narrowed his little eyes, stripping away her paint and her arts. He was intrigued by her callousness—she was very crude—and by her certainty. She might have been forty or a really rough thirty-five—it was difficult to tell in the smoke and neon. If she was a door, her weather stripping would be cracked and peeling. He reached for her, rolling lengths of dry colored hair through smooth hands. A pro to be certain, she was also a bleary old douche bag, deflated in spots, and her insistence forced the issue. He’d emerged after a lengthy dry spell broken with a disparate coffee shop girl who was morosely tight, sexually bereft and, lacking common decency, had not the wherewithal to fake it. This one at least looked like she would and she wouldn’t cost a dime either.”
#2
“Pulling into the funeral home parking lot, he was struck by the shabbiness of the place. Three storied, stone-faced, with jagged courses of irregular shaped brick, she was more sea anemone than siren; prickly and unlovely. Where she had once stood apart from her ramshackle neighbors, the reverse was now true. The facade was flaking, the surfaces cracked. It was worse inside. She was falling farther and farther behind and C.E. Forsythe was at a loss as to how to help her.
“It’s amazing what you can get used to,” she seemed to say.
Even irrelevance?
Charlie willed the individual perspiration pellets welling beneath his skin to stay in their pores. It was a fantastic thought, but he believed himself capable of such tricks. Self delusion, after all, played a huge part in the life he had chosen and he credited it for his career longevity.”
fantasy fest that is Fifty Shades The Movie is neither harmed nor hastened by the blow ups on set. For as much as the willful and spectacularly accepting race breathlessly to buy clothes and accessories made from the “softest leather,” others pinch nostrils shut because of the undeniable Euw factor that comes with the story.
A. B. Funkhauser, Author 