With B actor Dakota Johnson going for the brass ring in the much anticipated Fifty Shades of I Don’t Know What That Is, I shouldn’t be surprised by the seemingly unrelated announcement that Finland is scrapping cursive writing from school curriculum. Who needs to write when a keyboard can do all the dirty work for you? Getting strapped across the back by a wealthy sociopath is no different: simply simper out a polite “yes, please” and all the hard work that accompanies goal fulfillment is whisked away, immediate satisfaction guaranteed.

I appreciate the Finnish case. With infants manning keyboards while on the crawl, it only makes sense that they perfect their typing skills and leave the quill and ink to history. Go one better. Why not extend it to reading? Who needs phonics if a machine could do the talking? Simply download the latest releases and hit “speak” and the hard work is done.

Am I being flip? You better believe I am. In this, The Age of Ease, one need not bother with things that can be done by others, carbon based or not.  Give consent with a Dakota Johnson “yes, please” and a machine could do the strapping for you. (Christian Grey—take an elevator by yourself, please!) Or move to Ontario, Canada where the price of auto insurance outstrips the desire to get behind the wheel and let your mother do the driving for you! Or pretend you’re still 12 in the City of Toronto and you can ride the public transit for FREE. You need never walk again.

Sounds good?

I don’t think so.

I like to do things the hard way, even if it means writing it out in long hand.

Unapologetically adult and cognizant, I wish you Good Wednesday. Stay above it.

ABF

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