I have nothing against new ideas. It’s just keeping up and co-opting them that’s challenging. Take for example global warming. Not a new idea. Some even say its an inaccurate one. We’re not getting warmer, we’re just…evolving…into something else…or something. Whatever the case, the only evidence of winter I have seen so far in my Ontario home lives in my freezer. Last year, we got buried under ice. Without heating or lights for a week, we who live together swore that we’d never have another winter as bad as that again. And we haven’t. In fact, we haven’t had a winter at all. Which is why–I suppose–we keep snow balls in the freezer next to the festive log we picked up on sale around holiday time, and can still have at a reduced price. I found more in the throw out bin at the bargain mart. During January Time, old thoughts of fondue and ski shacks have given way to summer vacation dreams. Why not? Seems so close. And yet the youngsters at the local school are packing their bags for a ski trip to Quebec. Personally, I’m beside myself for them. Rumor has it, there’s snow there. Only, snow balls and tobogganing are forbidden because they’re more dangerous than skiing. The lawyers said so. Another idea to digest. I look out at the bright sun and blue sky and surrender my cynicism to the new order. In that spirit, I’m going to take my freezer ball and throw it somewhere safe.
My friend the science giant burst my bubble last night, insisting that the Litigon hybrid, a lion-tiger combo I’d spotted on the I-net, was a photo shop creation. Once again, I’d been taken in. Stoopid me. This assertion left me vexed, causing me to down two Starry coffees in succession. How could the science giant be sure when the Liger, long celebrated and confirmed, attained legitimacy just because? I checked with Carl the Preacher. A Poncho Master and automotive technologist extraordinaire, he would know. “The Litigon,” he explained, “is like a Leopard or a rust-free Canso. It is a thing to be desired and sought, but it may never be found.” I thanked the preacher for his trouble and set to fussing over the firing of Toronto Maple Leafs coach Randy Carlyle, whose promise to deliver a winning team was about as real as a Litigon. Or so it seemed. The science giant called me this morning, explaining that the Litigon was in fact a real beasty, but that I’d got the science side of it wrong. “The Litigon is not a second generation product of two hybrid parents, merely the result of a lion father and lion-tiger mother.” Good to know. Free at last to believe in Litigons, griffins, dragons, and a balanced federal budget, I can only hope that the next Toronto Maple Leafs coach will do a better job. Who knows, maybe turkeys can fly?
For those interested in a peek at a for real Litigon, please check the following link. I dare not reproduce the photo, lest it be unauthorized, and a grey rain of lawyers fall upon my head. Cheers.
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